It’s normal to feel jealous at times in a romantic relationship. Many people have felt jealousy at some point in their lives.
As with romantic relationships, jealousy can surface in other contexts. A study from this year indicated, for instance, that female employees are more likely to experience jealousy than male employees because of their bosses’ beauty.
While women are less likely to be envious of their bosses’ physical strength, men are more likely to feel threatened by it. Workplace jealousy is common among men and women when their bosses appear more socially successful.
According to studies, jealousy isn’t always an unpleasant emotion to feel. For example, one study from 2021 revealed that experiencing jealousy toward a buddy who has a new romantic partner or close friend benefits the health of the connection.
It is possible to overcome envy, regardless of its source or the person you feel it toward. What can be done to rein in envy? Here are a few of the many ways suggested to you. But do not move forward without checking this incredible tool that aids in improving mental health.
Tips for Overcoming Feelings of Envy
Here are some ways to deal with jealousy healthily, whether in a love relationship, a friendship, or other settings.
1. Recognize Your Fears
Clinical psychologist and certified marital and family therapist Dr. Dena DiNardo advises, “Be truthful with ourselves about our anxieties, where they come from, what we do to keep them alive, and what we may start doing to change them into solid bases of life.”
You can write in a journal, practice meditation, or consult a therapist. A counselor can help you figure out why you’re feeling envious and provide strategies for moving past it.
2. Be Honest and Transparent With Your Partner
The two of you might benefit from discussing the matter. If you’re feeling insecure in your relationship, talking about your jealous sentiments can help your partner understand where you’re coming from.
3. Have a Conversation About It
DiNardo suggests talking to others about their experiences if you’re feeling isolated by your envy. She explains that this alleviates the guilt from thinking, “there’s something wrong with us for feeling this way.”
4. Don’t Pass Judgment
Despite its negative connotation, jealousy can sometimes be a healthy emotion to experience. DiNardo advises that you avoid labeling jealousy as a “bad” or “wrong” emotion and instead strive to understand it.
She goes on to say that when we feel jealous, it’s a sign that there are parts of ourselves that are still hurting. It’s not jealousy that makes us feel guilty or wrong, but rather the defensive behaviors we employ to keep ourselves from feeling envious. However, emotion serves as a valuable resource for introspection.
She advises, “Give yourself permission to be human, which frequently includes feeling things we don’t want to feel and having thoughts we don’t want to have.” “Although it’s a shared experience, the details differ for everyone. Learn where your feelings of envy came from. Instead of passing judgment, try approaching it with loving curiosity.
5. Do Some Form Of Self-Therapy
Negative emotions linked with envy can be managed by using coping exercises, primarily if they stem from toxic relationships or painful experiences in the past.
When feelings of envy arise, you may benefit from the following exercises:
- Tapping, also known as Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), is a
- Positivist practices such as affirmation repetition
- Psychological treatment is based on exposing a patient to (e.g., entering settings that provoke jealousy to promote desensitization versus trying to control or avoid situations)
- Activities that help you feel more grounded
- Workouts that foster confidence and reliability
- More tailored resources may be available from a therapist who specializes in couples counseling
6. Read Up About Envy
Almost usually, jealousy is motivated by some other, more fundamental emotion. DiNardo puts it, “it can be a symptom of fear: that we are not enough, attractive, or intriguing, that we will not be picked, that other people or things are more important to someone than we are.”
She goes on to identify some more possible causes of envy:
- continuous contact between partners and exes
- having doubts about your partner’s dedication to the relationship
- wanting what other people have (e.g., career, friends, relationships)
- habitual feeling one picks up by being exposed to or reared in a hostile environment
- ties, whether conscious or unconscious, to competing
- the portrayal of innermost sentiments and beliefs
- unease in our connections with ourselves
- having a parent(s) die (from divorce, death, or physical, psychological, or emotional abandonment)
Indeed, envy is frequently a personal flaw that requires attention from its victims, but that’s not always the case. People often try to inspire envy in others because they believe it would make them feel better about themselves. “Others may or may not be aware of this,” DiNardo continues.
Regardless, self-exploration can shed light on the origins of your envy and provide strategies for dealing with it that are tailored to your circumstances.
Understanding the Roots of Jealousy, Embarrassment, and Envy
Steps to Take
There are various strategies to alleviate and get past envy, whether it be in a romantic partnership, a platonic friendship, or at work.
- figure out what you’re most nervous about
- convey your emotions to your lover
- find out how other people deal with jealousy
- stop passing judgment
- self-directed activities like grounding, tapping and stretching
- find out what causes jealousy and how to overcome it
Seek professional help if your jealousy is causing problems in your relationships, job, or daily life. Although it may take some time and effort, it is never too late to learn constructive methods of dealing with jealousy.